Getting quiet – why I was afraid to go there.

For years I have been reading how important/healthy it is to explore one’s internal landscape the place that knows all and IS all. I’ve meditated, yoga-ed, walked, talked about it and honestly I am still resistant to go there.

When I take I look at why, I notice that part of it is habit. Our culture is that of externally driven thinking. We watch tv, sit in front of computers, drive, facebook, consume and generally focus on the world “out there” instead of our world “in here”. So, making a commitment to spending time in quiet is a important first step in the direction of getting to know this space. I could tell you all kinds of tips on how to get from here to there but I’m not going to today. Instead, I am going to get real about what gets in the way for me.

The barrier that I don’t want to recognize or name is fear. Fear of what will happen if I slow down. Fear of what I will hear if I actually listen. Fear of honestly getting to know myself. I know that sounds nuts but somehow, I feel that if I listen, I will hear that I have to shave my head and move to a monastery or start a nongovernmental organization saving butterflies in rural Costa Rica. That what is within me is so big, I will have to leave my comfort zone and move into the unknown. Or that what I hear will be bad. That the past and the unresolved things that I have covered with my “important and busy life” will resurface and eat me up. So, I spend time being busy, calling people into my life that need me and then I don’t have to listen. Phew! But here’s the secret…I am listening anyways. Perhaps not in big chunks or as effectively as I could but I am and I want to. Because what I KNOW in my heart of hearts is that whatever it is I am called to do in this life, #1 I am already doing it and #2 It’s all for good. The universe, God, Spirit, Mother Earth are working for my highest good.

So what am I going to do about it? Essentially, nothing. I am going to turn off my phone, close my door and reschedule that commitment so that I can have a meeting with me. I will probably get bored, I might fall asleep, or get antsy or…not. I could feel relaxed, peaceful, contented, in charge of my circumstance and enlivened by this time of connecting. I don’t really know but I do know that I will not allow fear to be the in the driver’s seat of my life. That is not my style, thank you very much. I’ll let you know how it goes…

So that’s a little explanation of why I am afraid to go there. I notice that once I have named it, it’s not as bad of a big scary dragon as I thought it would be. If you are interested in getting to know your inner self, do just that. Ask yourself why you are afraid to go there and then…get movin’ or get sittin’. Wherever you are, you are. And…inside of you is a beautiful space ready for you to explore. Happy exploring.


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