Superwoman blues

I’m a bit of a superwoman. Not because I want to be but because up until now, I thought I had to be. I work fulltime, am a single mom to three amazing kiddos, I dance, volunteer, blog, life coach, host potlucks, and keep a clean house. People often ask me, “How do you do it all?” My answer to myself is “I have no idea”. To others, I just laugh and say, “I’m not doing anything different than anyone else, we are all busy”. And that is true, but I guess if I sit with it a bit, I am doing the work of two parents, as one person.

Some of that is just the reality I live right now. We all have things like that. But the other part, if I start to peel back the layers of the stinky onion, is that I feel like I have to overcompensate for their dad not being in their life. In my mind, they are going to have just as much opportunity as other kids. Access to sports, violin, piano, vacations, volunteerism, healthy dinners, and feeling how much their parent loves them, no matter what.

But here’s the kicker, no matter how much I do, how much I run myself into the ground trying to protect them and create opportunities, it’s not going to bring their dad back into their lives. That sucks.

We all want to protect our kids from hurt. And when something happens like a divorce, it’s hard for you, and especially hard to watch your kids going through it. So, I put on my superwoman cape to fly us to safety. And I have kept flying for five years.

It’s time for something to give. I don’t want to be an overcompensating exhausted parent, I want to be a present and loving parent.

So I continue the process of letting go. Which of course I think I am done with, wrong. I let go of dreams, of hurt and sadness, of ideas about how things should be. Letting go is hard. It just is, especially if you are holding all the pieces while flying to safety with your kids. What I know is that you have to let go before you can welcome newness. The leaves have to fall before the tree can blossom again.

This morning I took off my superwoman cape. It’s a bit tattered and I feel uncomfortable because it has been my security blanket, but it’s going to be ok. I’m not quite sure how and I don’t have our way mapped out but I know that love carries us. And that being present and loving to myself and them is what we all deserve.

Whatever it is that is heavy on your heart, it’s ok to stop and spend a little time looking at that. We can chose to reassess the way we have been doing things at anytime and change. So hold yourself gently, and when your ready, try taking of your cape, whatever that symbolizes for you. It’s good.


One thought on “Superwoman blues

  1. I was watching my favorite interview with Joseph Campbell yesterday, and he would call this your choice to be alive. He would call this heroic. I agree. Let me know what I can do to help.

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