Searching for Home

images (1)For awhile now, I have been searching for home. It started years ago really.

When I graduated from college, I went right out and got pre-approved for my first home loan. I didn’t buy a house, but I was approved and that felt like a big step in the right direction. I’ve looked for houses in Seattle, Portland, and Olympia. For rentals and purchases, for a place that I could call home and that would *feel* like home.

I’ve looked for home in work, finding a place that is safe, secure and comfortable. Nonprofit work definitely feeds my soul but it’s not home.

I’ve looked for home in my partner. Strong and supportive, that almost worked but something was still missing.

It was me. Home is defined in so many ways, by different people. For a long time I tried to define it in ways I have seen work for other people.

It turns out I have my own definition. It’s a combination of quiet time, spiritual focus, family, creativity and love. And it’s portable. I can take it with me anywhere I go. It doesn’t have to have a garage and crown moldings and the mortgage is just the right price.

It’s taken me awhile. It’s taken intention and practice and it continues too. I have had to give up things that I didn’t what to, but I can see home more clearly than I have before.

Whatever your home is, whatever feels grounding and supportive to you, feel brave enough to find it for yourself. Trying to match your truth to what works for others can be quite a challenge. And ultimately doesn’t work because won’t *feel* right until you know deeply who you are and what feels true to you.

I’m a person who enjoys quiet like someone else might enjoy a double scoop chocolate sundae, it’s delicious to me and feeds my soul. From there, I can be a better mother, friend, lover, worker. Without making that space, I have been known to become a shadow of myself that can feel empty and searching.

One of the beautiful things about getting older is that you more truly get to figure out who you are. We are all unique strands in this intricately woven tapestry called life. Own your divinity, whatever that looks like for you. Define what makes joy bubble up from your insides like an involuntary waterfall and then, move in that direction. The rest will work itself out, the first step is coming home.

 

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