Middle school choices

I had no idea when I went to listen to the middle school options tonight how much it would effect me. It brought up a lot feelings, like the good old, “OMG, my daughter is going to be in middle school”. Or “Which one do I sign her up for?” But what didn’t see coming was the, “Oh crap, I have to figure this out by myself”.

I’ve been a single mom for 6 years and these days I have a (relatively) new partner who is awesome. He held my hand tonight and put up with me when I got annoyed with his (in my opinion) excessive iPhone usage. Thank goodness for his support.

Tonight was just hard. Nothing brings up old stuff I thought I had dealt with like kids. I sat there listening to presentation after presentation slowly getting more upset.

How can a parent just get up and walk away from his kids? That’s what my ex did. And so I sit here, feeling that loss for a minute. I know I have a supportive network of people that love and support me. I know that I will make a great decision about middle school. But none of that makes it hurt less. It doesn’t hurt often anymore but occasionally it just sucks.

For along time I thought feeling sadness or grief was bad. I would cover it up by going shopping or eating cupcakes. While I still occasionally do those things, mostly these days I just sit with it. I’m sad, yup. I let myself feel that feeling and eventually it lifts. How about that? A natural remedy for sadness! And it works, eventually.

I don’t have a bow for this one tonight. I know that this too shall pass. I guess if I had words of wisdom to share it would be hug your loved ones and enjoy as many sweet moments as you can together. My baby girl is going to middle school. Tomorrow this mama will dry her eyes and get on the road to that adventure. But tonight I’m just giving myself a hug. Goodnight. 🙂

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