Recently, I moved into a house with my partner. I’ve been a single mom for 7 years. My partner loves the kids and is a fantastic role model. I have more time to take walks, make healthy food, decorate the new house than ever before. It beautiful and foreign.
This morning he encouraged me to go out to breakfast by myself and I just started crying. I feel guilty for wanting to do that, for spending less time with the kids and unsure on how to balance it all.
How do moms navigate their desire for personal space, reflection and generative time with the needs of a family? I run these sweet monkeys all over town for three sports, I put in long hours at work, why is it so hard for me to take an hour for myself??
It feels like it’s something about value. Like I deem those things are priorities but I’m not in the to do list. I know so many women that go 24/7, some are better than others at valuing their personal space. Do we need an intervention? The overcommitted mom revolution? What will it take to put ourselves on the list and stay committed to that? Honestly, sometimes it takes me getting sick from going to hard for me to have this type of reflection. And that’s dumb.
So, what am I going to do about it? Lay around and feel sorry for myself because? Or be proactive about scheduling some much needed “me time”? I choose option 2.
As my sweetheart brings me coffee this morning, I realize I’m loved even when I’m not being superwoman. It’s humbling and honest. I don’t have to be on the go all the time. In fact, what does that teach the kids about self-care? So, the schedule for today looks a little like this…banana pancakes made by my honey, a nap, some writing, some kid snuggling, some light gardening, and early bed. That feels authentic.
And then the trick will be to be proactive with self care – honoring my need for quiet space more regularly. I’m literally getting out the calendar and writing some “me time” into it.
Even if it doesn’t make sense to others, or I feel guilty when I start, I know this need to be true for me, and that’s a good start.