When a relationship comes to an end, we all have to make our own “how to get over it” recipe. Here are some of the ingredients I have found useful. Mix them together, and enjoy.
Step 1. Get out of bed the day after you saw him with his new girlfriend. Make yourself a healthy breakfast. Note: wine is not a fruit. 🙂
Step 2. Pour yourself a cup of coffee or tea and get out your journal. Start to imagine for the first time in a long time what you actually want without that other person. Write about your sadness and disappointment, let big tears roll on your page and smear your words. Ask yourself questions like “what do I really want”… in a partner, in my life, with my career. These answers will probably not be right there when you ask them, but the more time you spend journaling and with your focus on your future instead of your past, the answers will appear.
Step 3. Reach out to your friends and ask for encouragement. Break ups can make you feel like a big looser. You aren’t, they will remind you until you remember.
Step 4. Move your body. Walk, and keep walking until the sun goes down, or your legs get really tired, or it’s totally freezing your hands off. As you move your body, those answers to the questions will appear too. And you will walk out your frustration and sadness.
Step 5. Do something that makes you laugh. Play a board game with your kids, play lights out hide and seek, watch a movie that makes you crack up. Buttery popcorn has no calories after a break up, just sayin’.
Step 6. Listen to music, a lot. Bust out the sad stuff (recommendations: Sarah Mclachlan, A Fine Frenzy) and the “I’m gonna get over you” stuff (recommendations: Beyonce and Pink), listen to that stuff on repeat, singing loudly.
Step 7. Be grateful for your ex. You might be hurt at the moment but you chose him for a reason and that means he is a generally good guy. Send him good vibes instead of angry thoughts, it’s better for both of you.
Step 8. Start living the life you want too. Dance, sing in your car, write, decorate your house, whatever it is that helps you move into your life and not stay stuck living in the past. Your life is happening today, get on the bus and ride that puppy in the direction of your dreams.
Step 9. Repeat. Until someday his picture doesn’t make guts twist up like a giant pretzel. Until, someday when a friend of yours says, “Hey, I have a guy I would like you to meet” you feel ready.
Moving on from a breakup is a process, be gentle with yourself. Let it take however long it needs too. And remember, you are loved. You are surrounded by family and friends that think you are stellar. And while you might think you need a love to tell you how great you are, you don’t, you are wonderful. Part of the healing process is reminding yourself of just that, you are loved, period.