Staying so busy you don’t have time to feel 

So the short version of my life story is this… I’m on this planet to be a blessing. I organize, volunteer, encourage, coach and love those around me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m also a single mom of three kids, a daughter and a friend. 

We just got back from a family vacation and it helped me realize how busy my life has become. 

This last week held three baseball games, three evening events and a ton of work. Maybe some can roll at this level all the time but it’s not my preference.

I’ve been taking a look at why I’m so busy. As I pulled into my mom’s neighborhood yesterday I burst into tears. I thought to myself, “oh, I’m keeping myself so busy so I don’t have to feel”. 

My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 4 months ago. It’s hard to believe because she’s been eating kale and azuki beans most of my life. She is the most beautiful, caring, loving person I know and I am beyond honored to be her daughter.  It’s hard to watch my mom be tired and not want to eat. She is ever radiant and kind, even in this process. She truly amazes me. 

I haven’t written about this because I don’t have been too busy to feel. Don’t get me wrong I have had plenty of meltdowns during the last 4 months but I haven’t given myself the chance to write it down. I don’t want my mom to have to go through this. That said, she is a tremendously fierce warrior and our joint vision is victory. 

So now I get it. I’m so busy in part so I don’t have to feel the lonliness of being a single mom, the overwhelm of a big job and the hurt of seeing my mom dealing with cancer.

So what do I do? Today I’m going to Target to get a big patio umbrella and some flowers. I’m making an oasis in my back yard where I can just be. And then I’m going to sit there, not being busy, and feel the feelings that need to be felt. And repeat as needed in this amazing journey called life. 

My your day be radiant and life show you kindness and love. 

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One thought on “Staying so busy you don’t have time to feel 

  1. Pingback: Searching for Grace | Daughter on Duty

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