The most precious day 

Today was a day for the memory books. My sweet mom and I went to visit the church where she would like to hold her celebration of life. 

She will want a small, intimate gathering of friends and family, so we looked at the small sanctuary first. It was very functional with plenty of tables and chairs but it didn’t feel quite right, so we decided to seek out other spaces. My friend Tammy, the minister walked us to the main sanctuary. As she turned the key and opened the door, I could  feel the warmth radiate from the room. Exquisite stained glass windows lined the space as rose colored light flooded the room. We could feel the love enfold us. 

This is where my parents got married, this is where my grandfather and then my grandmother held their celebrations of life, this is where my mom’s will be held too. 

We talked through the details of linens, flowers, music and then with hugs said thank you. 

We left and decided what to do next. Ice cream? A walk? What do you do after a conversation like that? 

We decided to go for a walk, and pick up cupcakes for the birthday kids on the way. 

I took my mom to Mystical cupcakes, there were so many flavors, she looked like a kid in a candy store. We bought cupcakes for everyone and she even got two to take home! 

Next we walked through the farmers market, mother and daughter, arm and arm. We visited the lavender stand where she visited with her favorite vendor, mom has been buying gifts for her friends and family there for years. I could feel the heart connection between the two of them. She picked up some sweet items for loved ones and told her lavender friend she would be praying for her. 

We walked, hand in hand through the garden, finding a sweet bench to share. My mom is so loving. I am so honored to be her daughter. 

Next I took her to North Point. This is a place near and dear to my heart. It’s where I fell in love with my partner. He and I shared many hopes and dreams while gazing at the sound and watching the boats go by. Mom and I strolled along, finding a sweet bench to just sit. And then we did, we just sat, gazing at the water, watching sailboats, a seal bobbing its head and the sky, the big open sky. It was so precious to share this time with my mom who I love so much. Both of us deeply appreciative of this moment in time, and for the gift of loving each other. 

I will never forget this day, this most precious day. 

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Balancing act 

I don’t seem to know how to write much these days. My mom has cancer and she is living with us now. Each day is totally different. I wake up in the morning and check on her and the day starts from there. I administer pain pills or talk finances or give hugs, then wake up the kids and take them to their various places. By the time I get to work sometimes I feel like I’ve had a full day already. 

She’s off to chemo today with a friend. She doesn’t feel well already but is determined to go. God Bless her strength and determination. 

I don’t know how to do this, I’ve never done it before. I see my self care slipping by the wayside with everyone else’s needs. I haven’t seemed to figure out how to get enough quiet, sleep, good food and exercise while managing all of these factors. Instead it’s been slow strolls, grabbing salads for lunch, coffee on the way to work, and ice cream before bed. I have goals of exercise first thing in the morning and bedtime routines that foster sleep, those goals are a work in progress these days. 

I read once that if you want to change something in your life you should live by the 5% rule. Do something 5% more or less each day. Get on the treadmill for 5 minutes if that’s what you have, do a little bit of straightening the house, have sorbet instead of ice cream. But then do that 5% consistently and add on as you can. 

So that’s my goal for today, be 5% more loving to myself, with a gentle walk, and some self compassion.

Balancing all of these factors is a challenge. Another way of saying that is… balancing all of these factors is an opportunity for growth. I choose opportunity. And I choose to be loving to my wonderful family and to myself, one moment at a time. 

Recipe for Love 

It’s true,

I’ve burned a couple of things in my life, 

And been burned too.

And… 

I survived to try again.

After trial and error,

here is my 

Recipe for Love…

1 cup youthful hope 

1 cup belief in love (baggage removed) 

2 cups laughter 

1 cup trust (fear melted)

A bunch of willingness to try 

Kisses to taste 

Add in faith, handfuls of love and mix. 

Knead and shape,

Bake until warm.

You’ll know it’s done, 

when you take a taste

and your insides melt,

beacause 

it’s the most perfect thing 

you have ever experienced. 

Savor, 

take time to appreciate, 

and enjoy. 

So much to be grateful for…

The twinkle in my son’s eye, 

the “good morning, I love you” text,

the perfect shade of purple for my finger nails, 

the granola and blueberries in my mason jar, 

as I sit by the water’s edge. 

The unexpected 2 mile walk with no rain. 

The work day with on time and productive meetings.

The sweet visit with my mama, and the warmth of her hand holding mine. 

The flower and card on the table from a friend. 

The hard working small engineers who folded AND put away their laundry.

The bedtime kisses and tuck in snuggles. 

The honest and loving late night call from my love. 

In this day… 

there is so much to be grateful for…

Love is 

Love shows itself in so many ways. 

It’s the phone call to say the doctor’s appointment went well.

It’s the call from an upset child who doesn’t want to help with the surprise but will anyways, because. 

It’s the singing boy on the car ride home. 

It’s the email left unanswered because we both don’t know what to say next. 

It’s the rainbow after the storm today. 

It’s the hands that keep working, even though they are tired.

It’s my cell phone staying on so I can write this even though it says 1% battery left.

It’s the whispered “I love you” sent on the wind.

It’s the tuck in of sweet kids and the extra snuggle, just because. 

Love is all of this, 

And so much more. 

May love light your way,

Always.

What to write about now.

When I started this blog 10 years ago, it was out of a deep need to get express what I was going through. As a single mom of three young kids, this blog was a friend and lifesaver. Even though I didn’t have a partner, I had a place to share my joys and sorrows, and someone out there to listen.

A few years into singlemamaing, I met a guy and we had a great love. He swept me off my feet with poetry and his passion for changing the world. For six years, we had an on again, off again relationship that made both of us nuts but we just couldn’t give up because there was such a connection. I have written about the ups and downs of that too, trying to make sense of it all.

I’ve written a lot of poetry here too. Sometimes about my love of the morning, or my kids, other times poetry about love and loss.

Last year, I wrote a gratitude post for every day in November. It turns out I had A LOT to be thankful for. That exercise was very enjoyable and I realized I could have done a gratitude blog for a year!

This blog has grown and evolved over time with me, like a good friend. It’s funny really, I never knew that I loved writing until my (now) ex suggested I try it. He is a writer and we had a lot of fun writing things back and forth on with each other. I guess you could say he was kinda my inspiration for writing. Now that we are not together, I don’t have the same muse that I used to. That has taken some time getting used too.

So now I find myself asking, “What do I write about now?”

Here is what I know:

I want this blog to be an inspiration to others who are walking this pathway called life.

I want to share what’s in my heart in a way that helps me learn new things and that moves me, while connecting with others.

I want to explore concepts, excitement, discomfort, joy, love, learning and hope through words.

Thanks for joining me as I find new words, new muses and ultimately explore what makes life sparkle. Pour yourself a warm cup of tea and let’s explore together.

 

I imagine

I imagine

a world at peace.

Where people love and value each other.

Where we appreciate and embrace each other’s differences.

Where hope and kindness are commodities,

instead of hatred and fear.

Our country is grieving,

from the loss of innocent lives.

People targeted because of the color of their skin

or their choice of who they love.

How is that anyone’s business?

How is it that children are raised to hate instead of love?

In my life I will love openly,

and teach my children the same.

I will not cower in fear,

I will stand tall in love.

I will embrace openly,

expand in learning,

and build up,

not break down.

Join me,

open your heart,

wider than you imagine you can.

Imagine with me,

a world of love,

let’s create it,

together.