Patience

 

 Patience. 

A word it turns out I need to practice. 

In my world I do a lot of moving things forward, planning and action. 

In this moment, I see the need to be patient. 

Let life evolve, 

Being patient with myself, 

my insecurities.

It turns out something’s take time to grow.

From the planting the seed,

to the tree baring fruit 

does not happen overnight.

And, it doesn’t help to tell the tree to hurry up, 

I’ve noticed.

And so, another life lesson is born.

Be patient and trust in the process. 

Focus on other plants that need tending to grow.

Trust in the seasons, 

life’s wisdom, 

and know that all things grow with time, 

we just need to be patient.  

Little Red Hiding Hood

I’ve been praying for answers to a few questions for sometime now. Today, I woke up with a new and helpful realization. 

We all have parts of ourselves that work well, and other patterns or habits that are more challenging. In my world, I have worked with the challenges and blessings of being a sensitive empathic human being. This means I feel things deeply, including world issues, the feelings of my children, family, coworkers, etc. It’s the reason I have dedicated my work time to nonprofit service and helping anyway I can to make sure everyone has opportunities to fulfill their potential.

As it turns out, it’s also the reason I reach for chocolate in stressful situations or hide, unintentionally behind those extra 20 pounds that never seem to come off. 

My realization this morning was, if we are here to be a blessing and shine our unique sparkle, how is hiding behind something helping fulfill my life mission. 

Did God put us on this earth to hide our sparkle? I don’t think so. 

There are lots of reasons for us all to put on our little red “hiding” hoods and run from the big bad wolf. There are a lot of big bad wolves out there these days. But running doesn’t help. It doesn’t work. Perhaps you think it’s the answer in the moment but truthfully, the only thing you are doing by hiding from your fears (through whatever your unhealthy coping mechanism is) is hurting yourself. 

I guess I have known that for awhile but the new learning for each is this: I’m all about empowerment, shining your sparkle and sharing love with the world. I do this all day, everyday. And… deep down if I have a belief that to be safe I have to hide part of myself from the big bad wolf, that doesn’t work very well. 

This feels like a big balloon filled with love that has the tiniest hole. Over time, the balloon will deflate unless the hole is patched. It’s a small hole but a really important one to deal with. 

The first part of healing any issue is becoming aware of the problem. Next, sitting with that and honoring what is. So that’s me today, honoring this unconscious part of me that wants to hide. God bless that part, I sure understand and have compassion for that feeling and yet, now I know that hiding from scary things isn’t the only option. 

The real work is in being brave and vulnerable. Of opening our hearts so we can feel the fullness of life and continue to develop the tools for when times get tough. And giving ourselves the grace to stay in bed and read a book, or say no to another fundraiser, volunteer opportunity or chocolate chip cookie. 

By being proactive and aware of our need for balance in this high paced society, we can get ahead of the desire to stress eat or hide because the world feels too much sometimes. 

Today, is a day for realization and self compassion. It’s for forgiving myself for not knowing earlier and moving forward with a peaceful and open heart, into the beauty of today. 

Go, be brave, the world needs your love. 

Life in the Salt Marsh

 The day is awakening, 
forklifts bustle at the Port across the way, 

commuters traverse potholes on the way to work. 

This morning I took a moment to slow down and visit life in the Salt Marsh. 

She welcomed my weary soul with birdsong. 

Frosted folliage surrounding the waters edge. 

Geese gracefully gliding on the water, 

Raven squawks as if to awaken the sun.

All of this beauty and quiet, right here at our footsteps. 

As the sun slowly breaks through the clouds, I am at peace. 

I am reminded that we are one with the earth, 

and she cares for us beautifully. 

We just need to ask for her solace, 

and breath deeply of the love that surrounds us. 

That is how I see life in the Salt Marsh today.

 

What to write about now.

When I started this blog 10 years ago, it was out of a deep need to get express what I was going through. As a single mom of three young kids, this blog was a friend and lifesaver. Even though I didn’t have a partner, I had a place to share my joys and sorrows, and someone out there to listen.

A few years into singlemamaing, I met a guy and we had a great love. He swept me off my feet with poetry and his passion for changing the world. For six years, we had an on again, off again relationship that made both of us nuts but we just couldn’t give up because there was such a connection. I have written about the ups and downs of that too, trying to make sense of it all.

I’ve written a lot of poetry here too. Sometimes about my love of the morning, or my kids, other times poetry about love and loss.

Last year, I wrote a gratitude post for every day in November. It turns out I had A LOT to be thankful for. That exercise was very enjoyable and I realized I could have done a gratitude blog for a year!

This blog has grown and evolved over time with me, like a good friend. It’s funny really, I never knew that I loved writing until my (now) ex suggested I try it. He is a writer and we had a lot of fun writing things back and forth on with each other. I guess you could say he was kinda my inspiration for writing. Now that we are not together, I don’t have the same muse that I used to. That has taken some time getting used too.

So now I find myself asking, “What do I write about now?”

Here is what I know:

I want this blog to be an inspiration to others who are walking this pathway called life.

I want to share what’s in my heart in a way that helps me learn new things and that moves me, while connecting with others.

I want to explore concepts, excitement, discomfort, joy, love, learning and hope through words.

Thanks for joining me as I find new words, new muses and ultimately explore what makes life sparkle. Pour yourself a warm cup of tea and let’s explore together.

 

That perfect guy 

I see it coming from a mile away but still, it gets me everytime. I say I don’t have any expectations but deep down, I do and then… I get disappointed. In this scenario, it was a blind date. It was pretty fun and he’s a nice guy. I don’t know if I like him yet or not. It wasn’t fireworks exploding off the Eiffel Tower but it wasn’t bad at all either. I say I didn’t expect it to be life changing, but I did underneath, apparently.


This guy is great, interesting, functional, and cute. After one date, I don’t know yet what his “spark” is. You know that thing that makes you special, that keeps you going and lights you up inside. That’s the number one thing I want to see in a partner. It’s usually what gets me in trouble actually, because I usually only see that and not the rest of the picture. I’m not a person that can be with someone who drinks a lot, and goes to work. I get that is the way some people live, and that’s fine, it’s just not for me.

I only met this guy briefly and he may have an incredible spark. I am just very clear that I need substance, depth, richness, and interest in engaging in the world. So… When I don’t see that at first, I get disappointed and don’t understand why the world doesn’t see things the way I do.

It’s never going to be perfect, I get that. But it still surprises me everytime. I read that it’s the Pisces dreamer in me, maybe or maybe it’s just one gal looking for her Mr. Right. Either way, I’m still a work in process on letting my expectations get the best of me.

If this guy turns out to be Mr. Right, I’m all for that. If he turns out to be a friend, that’s good too. What I won’t do again is settle for someone who isn’t right for me and try to make it work. So expections, I see you, simmer down please so I can be get to know new people and see where that goes.

Here’s to love. May it bless you and teach you. And here’s to learning, more about ourselves, each other, and the world, so that our spark will join the millions of others in lighting up the world.

 

Zen 

I came across this list this morning and found it to be a great reminder. It was Monday morning, I was sending work emails at 6:45am. The kids were up and asking if they can watch a show while eating breakfast. My list for the day was full and my schedule, back to back meetings.

This list, what a great reminder. Life is so precious and I at least can get going so fast that I forget to do one thing at a time.

As if on que, my son opened the fridge to put the milk away, while holding the iPad and talking to me. Because he wasn’t watching what he was doing, he knocked over the half and half and it poured all over the floor. After I said “don’t cry over spilt milk buddy!”,  I told him about this list I read this morning and how it (and his little example this morning) served as a great reminder to slow it down and appreciate the moment.

Did I remember this throughout the day? Not super well, but awareness is a great first step! May this list bring you peace in your busyness, and kindness in your bustle. And maybe someday with practice, we won’t need a list to remind us because we will learn to appreciate the little things and find our own type of Zen.

Gratitude – a tool in the toolbox of life

gratefulIt never ceases to amaze me what happens with a little gratitude. Tonight, as I was reflecting on my weekend I thought to myself how thankful I am for my children, they are truly amazing human beings. I glanced at a beautiful plant that is abundantly growing, I gave thanks for it’s growth and for the sweet friend that gave us the plant. I thought about my mom and how lucky I feel to have such a lovely and caring mom and friend in her. As I write this, my knitting is sitting on the coffee table next to me, an ongoing labor of love the this close to completion.

I could notice that I’m tired, or ate too many nachos at the baseball game today, or that my to do list is unreasonable tomorrow.

Or, just by taking a moment to look around my life, I an be reminded of how much I have to be grateful for. This is a practice I have been developing for years. I talk with my kids about gratitude often. How in each moment, we have a choice of how we will view the world. It’s like we have our own private kaleidoscope, and we can turn it a variety of ways – towards the past, future, loss or towards gratitude.

Having lived this life for a few years now, I know that for me gratitude an essential tool in my toolbox for life. I have few others in the toolbox, like laughter, responsibility, independence, mama bear protection, and kindness. They all seem to work together well in creating this space called life.

Gratitude more the other attributes seems to be my trusted friend and ally. When I am down, or I’ve had a set back of some kind, I turn to what I can be grateful for. Does it work in every moment? No. But eventually, it works and shows me that no matter what the situation looks like, I have a lot to appreciate.

What tools make up your life toolbox? What are you grateful for today?