The clouds are creeping in today,
I’ve seen them in the distance but I wasn’t sure when they would arrive.
A mixture of rain and snow,
crisp and urgent it drops to the ground.
I feel attuned to the clouds today,
a release of feelings stuffed inside,
is breaking free.
My mom, the kindest heart I know, will not live forever.
Perhaps it will be the cancer, or maybe something else someday down the road.
At some point she will not be here.
I don’t even know what that means.
I know I will be okay,
I know I have so much to be grateful for.
And yet, sadness circles like the clouds.
So I sit,
noticing and appreciating the rain.
it has a purpose,
to nourish and ground us,
to clean the air.
I’ve judged the clouds before,
and today, their purpose is more clear to me.
When there is so much love,
there will be sadness too.
It’s part of this walk of life.
And that’s okay.
Just as the earth needs the sun and rain for balance,
so do we need to honor love and sadness.
To be in the full experience of life, we must breathe in the hard stuff and the good.
As I sit, I am overcome with gratitude.
To have walked with this this loving kindness angel, my mom, for so many years.
As the sun breaks through, my quiet prayer is “Thank you God, thank you for my mom.”