I found time to miss you

I’ve been going like a freight train, 

for awhile. 

The last time we talked, 

you said you wanted more, different. 

And then the talking stopped.

I went my way, 

sad, but not super surprised. 

This is the first weekend I have had to myself, 

in 10 years. 

I found time to miss you.

You have brought so many gifts into my life.

I am grateful beyond words. 

I know it’s going to stick this time, 

and then, in the same breath I want to invite you over.

It’s a process I guess.

The rain comes down on this spring afternoon, 

I bet it’s sprinkling wherever you are too. 

Be well. Be better than that, be spectacular.

Because that’s who you are. 

Dear Universe, thanks for the reminder.

Yesterday will go down in history as one of the more eye opening days of my life. 

First, let’s recap the situation… I’m a single mom with three very active kids, my mom is dealing with cancer, I work a robust job as the Executive Director for an educational organization. 

My boss took me to lunch yesterday, which was very kind. Basically, through the course of the conversation I realized this was a “you need to slow down” intervention. First of all, how awesome is that? My boss literally said, you’re doing a great job, cut yourself some slack, it’s ok to coast for a little while when you have a lot going on in your personal life. Oh. 

Now if you are anything like me, I just go. I wake up in the morning with the prayer “please let me be a blessing today” and then my feet hit the floor. My plate is filled with passion until I crawl into bed at night, and I love it. And… as I keep learning there are more sustainable ways to exist than others. 

I left the luncheon in awe and reflection.

The theme seemed to continue throughout the day. It’s like the universe said “I’m going to help you get my point”. 

I called a dear friend and told her about this conversation, she said a lot of wise things, as usual. “Don’t let fear get in the way of your loving truth” was the one that really stuck with me. She too said, it’s ok to slow down and savor this time with my kids, and my mom. 

Next came several conversations with my team, exec committee, and board chairs. My boss suggested I started telling people what’s going on in my life, so I did. The result was so surprising. A felt a huge outpouring of support and kindness from my community. While it was scary to share, it was so worth it. 

I think I have been in on autopilot, just doing the next thing in front of me while adding more and more to my plate. I haven’t wanted to tell anyone because I was afraid of their judgement. What if they think I can’t do all this? I need to believe I can. But the truth is, none of us can do it all, we all need support and that doesn’t make us weak or less of a superstar it just makes us real. 

As Lent starts today, I could give up sugar or Facebook and while those aren’t bad ideas, I think life is calling me to look deeper. I plan to give up trying so hard. Instead, I will work on allowing and embracing life. It takes intention and more space, to allow myself to feel, vision and love more fully. It’s a more vulnerable space, and that’s ok too. Who are we not to fully embrace life? Do not let life make you hard. Let life help you grow tall with empathy, sprinkled with kindness, may you deeply know love. 

And dear universe, thank you for the reminder. 

 

Recipe for Love 

It’s true,

I’ve burned a couple of things in my life, 

And been burned too.

And… 

I survived to try again.

After trial and error,

here is my 

Recipe for Love…

1 cup youthful hope 

1 cup belief in love (baggage removed) 

2 cups laughter 

1 cup trust (fear melted)

A bunch of willingness to try 

Kisses to taste 

Add in faith, handfuls of love and mix. 

Knead and shape,

Bake until warm.

You’ll know it’s done, 

when you take a taste

and your insides melt,

beacause 

it’s the most perfect thing 

you have ever experienced. 

Savor, 

take time to appreciate, 

and enjoy. 

Desert Bloom 

 In the desert,

prickly and dry terrain

as far as the eye can see.

Walks are beautiful here,

but watch your step, 

desert creatures aren’t always friendly.

Sometimes it must seem like there is no end to the desert, no growth happening.

And yet, on our walk

I see something new, 

there, just around the corner, 

see it? 

It’s bright yellow, 

in contrast to the dust of the earth,

it looks as if the sun planted itself right here. 

Green foliage grounds it in the earth.

This beautiful, shining flower shows me that even in the desert, 

life grows. 

This flower is special. It’s one of a kind. 

Others pass it, unnoticed. 

Not us, we see it. 

And know, it is just for us, 

A reminder, that love grows,

wherever it’s planted. 

Free in you

Love with you is a magical space,

empowering,

supportive,

kind,

hilarious

and courageous.

I’ve never known a love like this,

it’s what they write books

and sing songs about.

The stars are brighter,

spices more flavorful,

music speaks just about us.

You are miles away at this moment,

and yet,

so close in my heart.

Come home soon love,

my love is free in you.

Magic in relationship

healthy-relationshipsIt starts off with a blind date or a glance across a crowded room… you meet someone. Someone you know is going to be special in your life. In romantic comedies and Disney movies they hero helps the princess (or occasionally the in the feminist version the gal helps the fella – booyah!), they have true love’s kiss and live happily ever after.

Well, in my life, it hasn’t quite gone that way. It’s been more of a journey on the less traveled road with beautiful scenery and a hint of magic.

goal-map1

Eight years ago I met someone. It was a blind date. It was summer, he was wearing a blue shirt that matched his eyes and I was wearing a light purple scarf, so he could find me in the crowd. He talked a lot. My friend that set us up told me he would do that if he was nervous. I’m thankful she told me because it made it very cute. We drank beer and ate french fries and then went outside for a walk. I don’t know idea where we walked but he said turn left and right, always walking on the outside of the sidewalk so I wouldn’t be close to the cars. He toured me around our city, showing me things I had never seen before. It was surprising, fun, and well, surprising. I didn’t see that coming.

Before I got home, I received a sweet email saying he had a great time and would like to see me again. Cue: butterflies in tummy.

In this love story, the heroine had three small kids and the hero had one. The summer was filled with long walks, sweet kisses and kid adventures in nature. As it turns out our main characters also brought some history and baggage with them that make the road a little bumpy. They traveled together off and one for several years. Each time they reconnected after a bump, it was like no time had passed. They cared for each other and it was evident. They were the moon and the sun, always rotating in the same space and needing each other, but somehow never seeing the light the other would shine on a consistent basis.

They even lived in the same universe for awhile. It was a small universe in her opinion with a lot of small moving planets. He made it beautiful but it still was too much for her. They parted ways, each to their own universe but thinking often of the space they shared together.

Fast forward two years, new jobs, new houses and still the same universal connection. The world as they knew it was changing, the big bad wolf had been elected to the United States Presidency. She tossed and turned that night, looking for safe space. Finally, she reached out, searching for a home that was comfortable and safe and found him. Right were he always was, just like magic.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned in this love story is to appreciate the moment. Right now, my heart is warm from the sun shining my direction, the stars twinkle just a little more knowing the sun and moon are in the same space. The snowflakes softly falling surround us as if to say, we see you two, and we wish you magic in relationship. And so the story continues. The path unknown but this moment? Spectacularly beautiful. 

Love is 

Love shows itself in so many ways. 

It’s the phone call to say the doctor’s appointment went well.

It’s the call from an upset child who doesn’t want to help with the surprise but will anyways, because. 

It’s the singing boy on the car ride home. 

It’s the email left unanswered because we both don’t know what to say next. 

It’s the rainbow after the storm today. 

It’s the hands that keep working, even though they are tired.

It’s my cell phone staying on so I can write this even though it says 1% battery left.

It’s the whispered “I love you” sent on the wind.

It’s the tuck in of sweet kids and the extra snuggle, just because. 

Love is all of this, 

And so much more. 

May love light your way,

Always.