I’ve always been a pretty goal oriented person. I like to imagine the future and plan for the trips, professional development and family/home goals I would like to achieve. I’m good at it too. I’ve purchased my first house, become an executive director, and (as of Saturday) completed my masters degree. I’m proud of these accomplishments!
As I look for the next goals I have many in mind, take a road trip to California, walk a half marathon, attend a writers retreat, buy a new car, become a certified dance instructor and more.
We are in unprecedented times. With the covid19 virus sweeping the nation, it is a time to think differently. I’m not sure if I will be able to do a road trip, or a half marathon. There is some grief in the unknowingness that brings up, but also there are gifts.
Many of us have been on life’s hamster wheel for a long time, not knowing how to get off. This is our exit. The world is quieter, people are giving each other space. For me, I just finished a huge project and it’s time to rest.
For achievers like me, rest is hard, unsettling. Perhaps it’s in our dna, or an internal motivation. For me, it’s those and it’s tied into validation. If I achieve this new goal, revenue projection, kid winning team, I will be seen as valued. People will congratulate me and I will feel proud and worthy.
We all have reasons why we need validation, some more than others. In this new season, of staying home and staying healthy, a new way of being is calling forth to be born.
Whatever the messages are that push me to achieve for validation, they are old messages. We are bright, beautiful, worthy and a gift to this world. Instead of reaching for that achievement, my job is to allow that knowing. Breathe it in, appreciate the magic, and know, that is who I am.
As I look at my vision board this morning, which is peppered with goals and think to myself “nope”, I don’t want to live that way anymore, it’s exhausting. I want to rest, read, walk, cook beautiful food, and play in the dirt in my garden. I want to allow life to flow instead of pushing for results. I want to walk instead of run, breathing in the beauty of my life. Instead of driving to fast to a meeting because I am late, I am savoring the moments, the cherry blossoms and the beautiful song on a cd made with love.
I am walking into the mystery. What’s next? I don’t know. But I do know I’m enjoying the journey. I’m sure I will forget and go back to my old habits from time to time but I can promise you this, I will walk more gently with myself now. I will honor this season of rest and allow the mystery to unfold.